Chill Skills

Chill Skills 
Almost one year ago, on 12/6, I pulled out a notebook piece of lined paper and wrote down a way to calm my body for each line. I later then highlighted each in pretty crayon colors I liked. I kept this paper visual so it was handy when I needed it most and tried to practice a couple throughout each day. I’m looking at an image of it now, because I sent it to a friend that month, and there are 32 items total. 

Triggers
The paper looks worn in the image, wrinkled with a coffee stain on top. It was well loved and a helpful step in my own therapy treatment. I was coping with consistent triggers related to parenting and the mental load. I can still remember and feel the dysregulation I would experience and I just needed effective ways to help me in those moments. Reviewing the list, there are many that I still use today and some I’d forgotten about. 

Experiment and play 
The paper was a helpful way for me to remember skills I wanted to try so I could experiment with them to learn which ones were most helpful for me. It’s helpful to see chill skills as an experiment, like we are playing around, curiously, like a detective to learn more about ourselves; what helps and what doesn’t land so we can adjust accordingly. 

When experimenting
If you try one and it feels uncomfortable, that does not necessarily mean it doesn’t work, it may just be a new experience for your brain, and that naturally is going to produce some discomfort. If any of them feel unsafe or cause you to feel panic, use that as a cue to pause and shift to another. If something doesn’t help, that does not mean anything is wrong with you, it also doesn’t mean it may not feel more effective the next time you try it. 

Pick your experiments
You can start, like me, and create a list of all the ones you can think of that you’d like to try. And then try to use when you are calm, this is how you can gain mastery over them and help them be more effective when you are in distress. I know it’s harder to use them when calm, because there’s less of a need or motivation, so just want to validate that experience. And also, it’s the best time to experiment and get a clearer picture of how they work with you. 

The goal 
Let’s chat about the goal with chill skills. The goal is to stabilize yourself so you can feel more grounded, centered. You may not feel “better,” but the hope is that you don’t feel like you are in fight/flight mode and instead feel present, even if still sad, mad. The feelings are not the problem, it’s how we relate to them. We can be angry and regulated, stabilized. We are working towards helping our nervous system go into rest and digest mode, relaxation instead of just survival mode. 

Chill Skill Options
I’m going to share the 32 that were on my list and organize them by mind and body chill skills. If you have a medical condition, consult with a medical provider before experimenting. 

Touch | Texture 
Snuggle in a blanket 
Self massage 
Pet dogs 

Smell 
Smell vanilla extract / orange essential oil 
Wash hands with warm water and soap

Mind
Opposite action 
Pain + acceptance = just pain 
Radical acceptance 
Look for a glimmer 
Ask a higher power for strength, help, and to be seen 

Taste | Temperature (30 seconds to start)
Drink ice cold drink 
Suck on a lemon slice 
Frozen item on neck, cheeks, behind ear
Hold frozen lemon / ice
Hot shower with cold at the end 
Head towards freezer, AC or fan for cool air 

Breath
Paced breathing 
Sigh breath 
Breath with wall eye roll

Self compassion 
Hug myself and say “there’s nothing wrong with you” 
Hand on heart “I can be well” 

Movement 
Shake whole body 
Wall push ups
Happy baby yoga pose 
Music and dance to upbeat song 
Squats 

Soothing 
Sing a song 
Make tea 
Tap and hum 
Color 
Tense and release

Grounding 
Step outside, stretch and look at a tree
5-4-3-2-1

Your turn 
Now it’s your turn to create your list, I’d shoot for at least 10 to try. Use mine as inspiration and include your own you are curious about or have heard about. And think of one time daily when you’d be most likely able to practice them in a calm moment and try to commit to that. Maybe pair it with something else you already do; taking medication or vitamins, drinking water, lying in bed, lunchtime; this helps with habit building. 

My go to’s
Reviewing this list, the ones I still use most often are adding cold, usually through a face ice roller, shaking my body, placing a hand on my heart with a soothing mantra, like “I am allowed to be human,” or “I know I can get through this.” I also incorporate long exhales, or exhaling with a sigh or inhaling while imagining smelling a vanilla latte and exhale imagining blowing on it. (Dr. Becky’s hot cocoa breath)

Build your grounding toolkit
Have fun experimenting with your own and hope you develop some that help bring you stabilization so you can more forward in your centered self, in a way that aligns with your values.