Helping Our Bodies

Our bodies
I remember being a therapy client and getting so annoyed at the grounding exercises or having to "tune into my body" because, at the time, I just wanted to get back to talking because I was thinking that's where all of the problem solving happened, how I could be "fixed." I found myself just trying to get through the exercises, quite disconnected from much except my sense of “this feels pointless.” And I desperately wanted things to change, me to change, especially my emotional dysregulation. 
So, of course, our bodies play a major role in this process. It’s like my therapist was onto something. ;) 

Living from the neck up 
I have heard many clients describe the way they live as though they are living from the neck up, that whatever is below, is completely cutoff, disregarded, numb or ignored unless something occurs and they are no longer able to ignore the rest of their body. So a starting place in therapy is often pausing, seeing if we can notice any sensations in our bodies and if so, what emotions they may be connected to and what they may be communicating. This is uncomfortable if we are doing it for the first time. Some of us have been told our bodies, sensations and urges are evil, sinful and cannot be trusted so we have learned to ignore them.
So, we pause and notice. 

Sensations
We feel for any sensations then take a few moments to notice them; what they feel like, a possible image that represents them, the stillness or movement of them, temperature, texture. 
Our body speaks in the language of sensation. Our bodies store our experiences and communicate about them through physical experiences; jaw tightening, perspiring, urge to jump up and down, looking away. We can learn how we are feeling, what we desire, what we are avoiding through tuning into our body. Our body carries wisdom and helps us and we can also help our body.

Helping our body
A way that we can help our body is through learning about the "window of tolerance, trauma responses and/or polyvagal theory." Essentially, these paths will help us explore how to become aware of what state we may be in and then how to respond accordingly. For instance, if I am in a freeze response, or hypoarousal or dorsal ventral, I can try something gentle and soothing like a stretch, texting a friend or petting my dog and/or try something energizing like 10 squats, ice water on my face or a sour candy to see what actions help shift my state to feel centered and grounded.
We can experiment with what feels most helpful to us depending on the state we are in; finding a behavioral shift we can make to shift our physiological state; ie. if I am in flight mode, I can smell a soothing scent like orange essential oil, run in place and place my palm on my chest and remind myself “I am an adult now, I am safe.” 

Grounded 100% of the time is not the goal 
None of us will be grounded 100% of the time and that is not the goal. Over time the hope is that we can increase our awareness of where we are, where we are headed and then attune to our bodies needs. Is our body giving us cues for rest or movement? Alone time or time with others? Our body can help us with these decisions and we can help our bodies by tuning in and providing the nourishment they seek. 

Dysregulation as a part
We can see our dysregulation as a part, that’s trying to protect us, because it is. It’s trying to keep us safe, feels threatened by something, and we can be curious about how it’s trying to help us. Is the anxious trying to prevent us from feeling rejection? Depression trying to make sure we never feel afraid? Freeze state trying to ensure we don’t experience the distress of disappointing someone? When we discover this, through locating the part in or around our bodies and getting curious about it, we can thank it for how it’s tried to keep us safe and did in childhood and also update it by painting a picture of our life now as an adult and what resources we have access to now that we did not as a 6, 11, 15 year old; car, support people, not dependent on a caregiver for survival, our own kids, home, etc. 

What does this look like? 
If you're feeling anxious, like you're in hyperarousal, releasing energy through shaking your body, using an ice roller on your skin, or smelling a calming scent. 
If you are feeling disconnected, disassociated or shut down; trying activating and energizing breath exercises, walking or upbeat music to shift energy. 
We can help our bodies simply by beginning to notice them. Are they tired, hungry, need a bathroom break, feel jittery? Then care for them like we would our children's bodies.

More on this topic:
The Wisdom of Your Body by Dr. Hillary McBride
Stress Resets by Dr. Jennifer Taitz