In the EMDR client chair

My own EMDR therapy
I thought today I'd share some takeaways from my own personal EMDR therapy with you. I've been in weekly EMDR for almost one year now and therapy on and off throughout life. I first was an EMDR client 10 years ago. I’ve also been an Internal Family Systems client. I’ve found both models extremely helpful which is why I practice from the two of them as my main modalities. Let's dive in! 

What I logically know becomes true in my body
There have been many times when I've worked through something in a session that I "know," but my body hasn't fully grasped it yet. And when my body can also believe it, I am able to automatically respond differently in situations. For example, when I can embody that my caregivers' choices were about them and not about me, I am much less triggered by their current choices. I can "know" that, but when all of me knows that, it's a different ball game. 

What’s the part? 
My therapist once pointed out that the body does not "interpret" situations, it’s more so a “part” of us, that is interpreting the situation as bad, dangerous, good, etc. The body is simply responding to internal and external stimuli. This helped me understand that the important factor was attending to the part that is frozen in time, as IFS, would say. So, with a recent concern I brought to therapy about black and white thinking with lifestyle habits, we were able to trace it back to a younger part of me in the midst of various family of origin dynamics around food and bodies. 

It's a space to practice new responses to my bodies urges
I've been able to practice new responses to relational dynamics like; asking for what I want and changing rejection narratives. I've had times when I could sense my body's urge was to scream and I practiced releasing my concern with what my therapist thought of me and asked to make space for the urge. I was able to ask if I could turn off my camera and screen and take time to scream. Fortunately I’ve been home alone when this has happened. I learned a lot about myself in these moments, mostly how HARD it was for me to let myself scream. I checked the screen a billion times to make sure I was muted and it would take a while for the scream to come out. 

Practice new relational habits 
Once she  said something and I felt rejected. While we were reprocessing a memory, I shared about another related experience and her response was to bring me back to the original memory so I had a moment of feeling dismissed, like what I said didnt matter. Although she even had said, “what you are saying sounds really important and like maybe it should even be it’s own target so let’s put that aside for now and come back to the original memory,” but the part of me that went to rejection right away, could not fully hear what she said. So it became an opportunity for me  to practice in the moment skills to more accurately interpret the interaction. 

It increases my understanding of intergenerational patterns
Although I am a naturally reflective individual, through sitting in the client chair weekly, I continue to learn more about how my childhood dynamics show up in my life as an adult and also as a parent. This then empowers me to make different choices, embody accurate narratives about my childhood and engage in inner child healing that is also a gift to my children. I can see how patterns with family members from decades ago play out inside of me today. I then have the opportunity to choose what family traditions and narratives I want to hold onto and which I want to release. This comes up often with topics like emotions, food, appearance, connection. 

Where is there safety? 
My therapist has been helpful in making “installing positive resources” an important part of my treatment, not just reprocessing the difficult. This has looked like taking time to feel, reflect on and sense times when I’ve felt proud of myself, safe, belonging, connection so I can further deepen those neural connections in my brain. This also creates opportunities for me to call on them in the future and use them as a resource to cope. For example, in a session, my grandparents’ dinner table came up as the place of safety and comfort me as a child, and now I can use my imagination at anytime to create that feeling and connection for myself. 

Proud of myself for consistently investing in myself in this way.