In the moment parenting strategies

Moments of distress strategies
These are not necessarily for full blown meltdowns, because then the goal is to contain our child for safety while we regulate your own nervous system. These are for responding to day to day distress, of which parenting gives us plenty of opportunities.
*We aren’t trying to get rid of their feelings or stop the meltdown, although I’m going to keep it real with you, I almost always want the meltdown to stop, but the goal is to provide them with ways they can relate to the upset, reminding them they have options and are not trapped by an emotion. 

The five: Words, art, movement, pictures, toys (plus three bonus ones at the bottom!)

Words:
-Naming: You’re upset, you seem sad
-Match intensity with your tone: use your tone to match the feel of their emotion
-Name the size: you’re as upset as big as an apple, no watermelon, no this room!
-Use validating language: Of course... I get it..
-Sing a song that describes event: Lily was playing, then she fell and got a boo boo, it was scary and she feels hurt, mama picked her up right away,  it hurts now, it won’t hurt forever
-Use parts language: A part of you feels nervous and another part feels brave, excited, curious. This teaches our kids that their emotions are part of them, not all of them and that different emotions can be present at the same time.
*I’ve found for my kids that singing the song has been one of the most helpful after an injury or something upsetting. My oldest has requested a song multiple times. I’ve used it in many different situations:  after a large dog unexpectedly jumped on her, in disappointment about the pool closing, falling at playground and many others.
*Along with parts language, I’ll share that using words to name my own emotions has been very helpful in aiding my kids in naming their own, “mama’s frustrated right now, I need to calm my body.” This normalizes that everyone gets frustrated. It helps them trust their intuition that they can sense mama is frustrated and I’m not going to deny it and cause them to doubt themselves. It removes shame from frustration. It models that we all have options for when we are frustrated on how to help ourselves. 

Art
-Draw face: you’re so sad, how many tears, 12 tears - you’re so mad, let’s draw big eye brows
-Write words: you’re mad, M-A-D
-Invite kid to pick color that represents how they feel and have them scribble it out
-Angry chalk: Invite kid to angrily draw with chalk
*I used to keep a pad of paper on my fridge and half of the time it was used for these moments! 

Movement
If our child is dysregulated, movement may often be a helpful first go to to help calm their bodies
-Ten jumping jacks, dance to a favorite song, shake it out, wall pushes, sprints
*Of course, this is if your child wants to participate. Sometimes they will and then go back to their meltdown as well, this has happened in my parenting.  

Pictures
-Books: Point to different emotions in characters, “Daniel Tiger’s so upset..”
-Printed out emojis,  kid’s faces, emojis on your phone: “Hmmh, what is this one feeling? I’m feeling this way. Which one looks like how you are feeling?”
*This helps remind your kid they are not alone, it’s normal to feel these feelings. When our oldest was a baby, our pediatrician gave us a “face book” full of babies expressing emotions and it was a favorite for a very long time. 

Toys
-Talk to child: Have the toy say to your child what you would like to say, “I see you’re nervous, I get nervous too..”  You may find your child is much more receptive to a conversation with the toy than you.
-Talk to you: Have the toy have a conversation with you that you’d like your child to overhear about emotions, coping, relating, “I remember a time I felt that way and here’s what helped me..”
*You can also have multiple toys talk to each other and tell the story of the upset. I’ve used toys to talk to my kids SO many times that now my oldest is kind of over it when I have them talk to her, but still enjoys when I tell stories with them. 

Bonus ones to consider: Temperature, pressure & space. 
Change temperature: Invite child to drink ice cold water, hold an ice pack, put cold water on hair, step outside
Apply Pressure: Teach child to squeeze their arms, moving up and down - get under a heavy blanket - give self a tight hug or ask if they want a tight hug
Give space: Sometimes our child is overstimulated and needs space: quiet, less or no people around, less light. So if possible, change the scenery to a quiet space, use noise cancelling headphones. 

Mamas, I know how MUCH kids emotions can be, especially if you have a deep feeler. Hang in there. Your emotions matter too.