Why So Many Moms Feel Disconnected From Themselves
Why So Many Moms Feel Disconnected From Themselves (Canal Fulton, Massillon & Northeast Ohio)
Ways We Are Cut Off From Ourselves
You may quietly carry a sense of disconnection, from your body, your voice, your needs, or even your sense of self.
You’re not broken.
And you’re not alone.
The latest theme in my reading and personal work has been highlighting themes on the ways we have been cut off from ourselves.
Spiritual Disconnection (Especially for Moms Reconsidering Faith or Meaning)
Perhaps we’ve had difficult spiritual experiences and have chosen to abandon spirituality. We’ve lost a connection to a sense of something that connects us all, calls to us and offers limitless love. Maybe a divine love, intuition, the Self, inner knowing, wisdom, the heart. Connecting with this often requires silence and stillness, something we can feel allergic to, myself included.
Physical Disconnection (Living in a Body That Feels Like an Afterthought)
We can learn to cut off from our bodies at a young age. We may learn to see them as objects, just a means to an end or defective according to the media. We ignore when our body is tired, hungry, achy, restless and just go, think and do instead of attuning to our body’s sensations and needs. In a world of capitalism, it’s inconvenient and not efficient to be a body and to have physical needs.
Emotional Disconnection (“I’m Fine” Culture)
Sadness, loneliness, jealousy, say what? Not me, not I, never. Meditation teacher Sarah Blondin writes about the deep sensitivity we are all born with and how we learn, quickly, to cut off from it to protect ourselves from the pain of being hurt, rejected and feeling all the feels. Feelings typically aren’t convenient, they are not concerned with logic, timing and efficiency. Feelings show up knocking, saying “hey, I’m here,” and often we lock the door and hide in the kitchen.
Relational Disconnection (Loneliness in Motherhood)
In our individualistic culture, we hesitate to ask for help, lean on others, share our struggles and instead we, keep our chin up, make it happen and work harder. We are then cut off from intimacy with others, a sense of belonging and deep connection; which I think is what we want more than anything. As therapist Esther Perel says, “the quality of our relationships determines the quality of our lives.”
For many moms this can look like being surrounded by people, but still feeling alone in your experience.
Why Does This Happen? (Control, Culture, and Early Experiences)
But why does this happen? What is at play?
Our connection to ourselves and our capacity to heal has been a threat to systems trying to control, dominate and extract since the beginning of time. Eve wanted more for herself and it’s taught as though this caused the pain and “sin” of the world. A woman; curious, open, full of wonder, choosing for herself, trusting her desire instead of a “command,” and the reaction is, “how dare she?”
Can You Relate? (Early Moments That Taught Us to Disconnect)
Can you relate?
Did you have moments in childhood where your desire, wants, questions were met with a “who do you think you are?” How dare you express upset, ask for something else, stomp your feet, not say hi, say no… and the list goes on and on. Once, as a child, I was in the car with grownups in my life and we went over a hill, I noticed it felt good in my pelvic floor area and made a comment like, “oooo that felt good down there,” with the innocence and joy of a child. This was immediately met with anger, fear and shame by an adult and I was left confused, shattered and learned to cut off from communicating pleasure in my body.
The Bigger Picture: Systems That Reinforce Disconnection
The mission to accumulate power, wealth, land, control has long been a part of our history and continues to play a significant role in our society. Land being taken from indigenous communities, divine humans used as slaves, healers burned at the stake, religion being used to force others into compliance. Therapist Laura Mae Northrup states, “I consider greed to be one of the most normalized and unquestioned substance abuse issues within capitalist culture.” Christianity has been a perpetrator of this and is today in 2026, a faith that could emphasize liberation for all, as one would think is what Jesus stood for, instead, being co-opted to continue hierarchical structures, spreading a narrative of “in or out,” colluding with leaders who abuse and teachings that instead of increasing love, spread division, fear and hate.
Author Meggan Watterson states that “control is the opposite of love.”
Where Control Shows Up (In Us and Around Us)
What or who has tried to control you? I’ll share some of my examples below.
Religion, well intentioned family members and friends, self help industrial complex, parenting advice world, broken aspects of our health care system, capitalism have tried to control me
“Get in line, the devil is trying to sabotage you, I hope to god you don’t believe those things, just buy one more book to find the answer, if you do this for your kid _____ will happen, your client must have a diagnosis (in the first session) for treatment, the goal is more, faster, bigger.”
What or who have you tried to control? I’ll share some of my examples below.
I have tried to control my spouse, kids, clients, friends, family members, colleagues, my body… I guess the theme is people and relationships for me.
“I want them to like me, think this of me, do this, not do that, make this choice, take this path, look like this, support me in this way, show up in this way”… and the list goes on.
How Do We Come Back to Ourselves? (Even in Real Life Mom Moments)
Ok, so there are a multitude of reasons why we are cut off from ourselves. So the question then becomes, how do we come back to ourselves?
We can, anytime, in any moment, anywhere.
Find an anchor that connects you to you, your true Self, your inner self
This could be your breath, hand on your heart, sitting with your hands on your thighs, rubbing your palms together. Typically it will involve an element of stillness, silence or space from others. You may feel a connection in nature or an altar space in your home.
How Do I Know I Am Connected to Myself?
How do I know I am “connected” to myself?
Can I give an awful, unhelpful answer? Only you know. Ek, I know, so not useful. If I could describe it for me, it’s a sense of being more connected to my soul versus ego. How can I tell the difference? My ego is concerned with status, numbers, what others think of me and my soul is more concerned with love, presence, being. A sense of all will be ok, like when I look up at the huge, blue sky with fluffy clouds or touch the sturdiness and ruggedness of a tree trunk, this experience of “I got this.”
Reconnection Is the Work (And You Don’t Have to Do It Alone)
If the journey is connecting you to your body, beliefs that are helpful and a sense of belonging to yourself and others; that’s where you will see more of the magic in your life. You are already whole, good enough, lovable and this space helps you see, believe and live that.
Support for Moms in Canal Fulton, Massillon, Stark & Summit County, Ohio
If you’re a mom in Northeast Ohio feeling disconnected, overwhelmed, or unsure of who you are in this season, you’re not alone.
Support is available locally and via Telehealth for moms in:
Canal Fulton
Massillon
Stark County
Summit County
Ohio
Pennsylvania
Especially for those navigating anxiety, motherhood, spirituality, and reconnecting with themselves.