The People Pleasing Antidote: Learning to Trust Your Inner Voice
The People Pleasing Antidote: Learning to Trust Your Inner Voice
How going inward can break the cycle of seeking external validation
There's a theme showing up everywhere in my work lately—both in my personal growth and in my therapy sessions with clients. When I notice this kind of alignment, I pay attention. It usually means something important is unfolding, something we all need to explore together.
The theme? Learning to go inward for answers instead of constantly looking outside ourselves.
What's your gut reaction to that idea? For me, it stirs up complicated feelings.
The Struggle to Trust Ourselves
On one hand, I believe deeply in this concept. Since I've started practicing it more intentionally, I've noticed synchronicities I can't even count. But there's also a part of me that hesitates.
Coming from a rigid, religious background, I was taught to be skeptical of my inner world—my emotions, my desires, my instincts. They could lead me astray, toward sin. While I don't logically believe that anymore, I'd be lying if I said there wasn't still a small voice asking: What if trusting our intuition leads us to harm others?
But here's what I keep reminding myself: if someone's inner voice is prompting them to intentionally cause harm, that's not their highest self speaking. Sure, following your intuition might disappoint someone or even anger them—but that's not the same as causing harm.
Anxiety vs. Intuition: How Do We Tell the Difference?
This question comes up constantly with my clients, and honestly, in my own life too. These two voices can sound eerily similar.
Is this nervousness about my child's safety coming from anxiety or intuition? I've searched for helpful frameworks to discern between the two, and while nothing has felt perfect, one concept resonates: soul versus ego, as described by Meggan Watterson.
The ego is concerned with what others think, focused on time, feels urgent
The soul is concerned with connection, increasing love, and evolving toward beauty
If you have other ways you distinguish between anxiety and intuition, I'd genuinely love to hear them.
My Journey: From External Authority to Inner Knowing
Let me take you back to my fundamentalist evangelical Christian days. I took my relationship with God seriously—nearly daily Bible reading, journaling, prayer, asking for guidance. And I listened. When I got those promptings to reach out to someone or take action (often things my ego didn't want to do), I followed through. Things happened as a result. A close friend once said, "You have a direct line to God."
A Turning Point: When Authority Lied
I remember questioning a spiritual authority figure about something I sensed in their intentions. They emphatically denied what I was picking up on. Years later, I discovered my sense had been exactly right.
That experience taught me something crucial: I had given myself permission to question authority based on my inner knowing—something patriarchy and rigid religious systems actively discourage. And when I did, I was met with a lie disguised as protection.
Maybe most hurtful? It made me doubt myself. I had this clear sense, I asked about it, they squashed it, and I thought I was wrong. But I wasn't. My inner knowing was accurate, perceptive, true.
The Bigger Picture: Who Gets to Trust Themselves?
This dynamic—people in power dismissing others' inner knowing—isn't new. Throughout history in the US, those in power (typically white, able-bodied, straight, cisgender men) have positioned others as the problem, as wrong, as ignorant. We're seeing it play out right now with immigrants as a primary target.
Think about the beginning of the Bible: Adam and Eve. Who got blamed? Eve. The woman. She dared to wonder, to explore, to be curious, to break a "rule." For centuries, women have been surrounded by stories that make us question whether we can trust ourselves. So we look to others for validation instead.
This applies even more intensely for women of color, people with disabilities, immigrants, those in poverty, and people with marginalized sexual orientations or gender identities. When culture prizes those who fit "norms," it causes us to doubt ourselves, see ourselves as less than, and seek status from external sources.
Rebuilding Connection to My Inner Voice
After my faith changed, I lost that connection with "God" and the clear intuitions I'd experienced before. I missed that part of myself. I knew it wouldn't look the same—my beliefs had shifted—but I wanted to reconnect with my inner knowing. It felt blurry and complicated.
Years ago, I kept sensing something that really scared me—two words, over and over, that would have altered my life significantly. I didn't know what to do with this persistent nudging. I talked with a therapist, my mom, eventually my husband. His response helped me gain clarity.
It reminded me of something he'd said years earlier when I was dating him. I had this fear that if I didn't "choose the right person," the marriage would end in an affair. I experienced it as a nudge from God trying to protect me. But when I shared it with my partner, he said simply: "That sounds more like fear than God."
That brought instant clarity. Looking back now, I can see both experiences were rooted in fear, not divine guidance. I share this because this journey isn't clear-cut. Discerning your true Self can be confusing, especially with spiritual trauma, anxiety, OCD symptoms, or marginalized identities in the mix.
The Practice: Following the Still, Small Voice
My therapist's recommendation was to follow the still, small voice in the little things and watch it grow as I practiced.
What really sparked my growth? Reading Meggan Watterson's The Girl Who Baptized Herself. This book gave me clarity around a business change I wanted to make—one that required me to really trust myself. As I committed to it, I started noticing the same themes showing up everywhere: podcast episodes, other authors' work, meditations. The universe was echoing this message back to me.
My Daily Practice: The Soul Voice Meditation
I use Meggan Watterson's "Soul Voice Meditation" regularly:
Take one deep breath to engage with the internal love that liberates
Take another breath and ask: "What do I need to know today?"
Take a third breath to embody that knowing
I write down what comes—sometimes it's an action to take, sometimes a gentle reminder like "be present" or an expression of gratitude.
The Antidote to People Pleasing
When I work with clients on people pleasing, I always come back to this: The antidote is going back inside ourselves to find the wisdom and approval we're seeking from others.
We come by people pleasing honestly:
Capitalism wants us to believe we're defective so we'll spend money to fix ourselves
Patriarchy has prioritized men and devalued women
Racism has dehumanized people of color
Gender & sexuality narratives have constricted individual choice and autonomy
Religion has taught us to look outside ourselves for answers and wisdom
But what if the wisdom is inside all of us? What if it's been here all along, within? What if it's your power, just waiting to be noticed and named?
As Meggan Watterson says: Worth is claimed and inherent, not something we earn or prove.
My dear, claim it.
Resources for Your Journey
Martha Beck & Rowan Mangan - Bewildered Podcast, “Authorize your inner knowing”
Sarah Blondin - Unveil your true self meditation
For healing practitioners: Laura Mae Northrup - Radical Healership book
What's your experience with trusting your inner voice? Have you found ways to distinguish between anxiety and intuition?